the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
