get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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