you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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