Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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