he wants to bone in the snuggie
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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