I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
