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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow

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• (682): View more from Texas

  Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk

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• (718): View more from New York

  He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"

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• (916): View more from California

  You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.

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