You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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