Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
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he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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