It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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