Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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