i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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