So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
