she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
