Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
