a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
