Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
