I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
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Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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