Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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