If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
