the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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