i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
