Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
