remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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