Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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