Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
