I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
