dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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