NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
