So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
