dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
