We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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