At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
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my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
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Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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