Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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