it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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