Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
