I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
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when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
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Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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