Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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