I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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