I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
