I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
