Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
