I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize