I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
