I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
