I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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