If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
