I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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