Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
