So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
