i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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