Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
