headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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