I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
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