Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
