Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
