I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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