Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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