"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
