It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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