why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
