apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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