After last night, I could never be a politician.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
