She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you made out with another girl for some wings
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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